Love yourself enough to let every slut go.

Love yourself enough to let every slut go.

I have a good friend who is one of my favorite people in the whole world that I
can be myself with and he sees through all of my crap and brings me to Earth
and makes me laugh.

I won’t mention who he is, but, recently, I figured out why he isn’t having a great
time finding that one woman to spend the rest of his life with.

Now my friend is a person you would call just about handsome which is
nowhere near ugly but not beautiful either but he is six feet tall and in very good
shape for an almost 50 year old. About a year or so ago he broke up with a
woman who didn’t want him in a long term relationship but kept coming back for
the package that he has been blessed with and we know what he did, right?

Yes, he kept letting her for a time until that novelty wore off and he said no
more and she left him in an insecure state of being about himself.

He immediately, which I say is not good for anyone, got his Match.com account
going again and began the dating routine. Now I tend to stay away from double
dates with him in spite of how much I love the guy because he goes through a
list of some of the hottest chicks that are just “bagged and tagged” like a
laundry list. I just tell him to let me know when he has finished and chooses one.

For me, I don’t want to be tempted into the single dating world again and
the only thing I envy in anyone is their ability to get hot women over and
over again so I just keep that aspect of our friendship out of sight and out of
mind.

Just recently he was telling me how he only finds the crazy ones and that it’s
non stop dating and sex but he is feeling so disappointed and still alone.

Yeah I am scratching my head too and wondering WTF??

So I asked him, “What about the one who came with you to the funeral?
It says a lot that she would bear that grief for you.”

She was pretty, fit, and successful and it can say a lot if a woman comes with
you to a huge depressing event like that one or at least it is most of the time.

I had the experience of a woman coming to my first wife’s funeral that I really
didn’t know. We had been friends of friends for about a year, chatted a bunch
of times, and danced but she had targeted me like a predator after my wife died.
She was truly supportive but not for a relationship, it would turn out. For her, she
had sexual needs she wanted taken cared of.

Do you know how grieved a man can be after he loses something so precious
after 24 years together?

So back to my friend, He said, “Yes it does but she blows up a lot.”

I asked him why but he didn’t want to answer so I said, “Well you are finding
the ones who are abandoning normal traditional relationships.”

There was a little more but I want to point out first that about 40% of women
who are in their 30’s to 40’s don’t really want to jump into the marriage or long
term bed. They want things by their own rules and are clear on everything they
want even if it is based on trauma in their past. Some don’t have children but
that age group has young kids and other responsibilities.

With women who are over 45, the rate of women not wanting a marriage again
is over 60%. In this case, women who have been screwed out of their dream
relationship are not going to do things the way your mind is conditioned.
Lot’s of young men 18 to 30 find their most compatible woman in this age
group and accept whatever terms they have to agree too.

To continue with my friend, I said, “Have some rules for yourself like no kissing
or touching on the first date. A nice warm hug is one thing and perhaps a single
firm but gentle kiss if the moment occurs and then go home and don’t insinuate
anything further.

If she wants anything from you that is just a hop in the sack have enough love
of yourself to just thank her for the evening and go home.”

He replied, “No kissing or touching? But I am damn good at seducing them
and its fun.”

I was a little taken aback but I am not holier than thou or him in any way.
I had to learn from experience and some key reasons why from another
brother but I said, “You are bringing the asshole to them. They don’t see until
later and don’t feel good about themselves. If they wanted a long term
relationship before, they have pushed you into the the friend with benefits
category or “fuck boy” type and may never take you for anything but a booty
call. You have to stop. You’re the crazy one bro. Learn to see the whole
picture and you will change your view. Don’t allow yourself to do it and
don’t allow them to start. If they do bring them home or leave because i
t’s not what you are looking for.”

I know he isn’t mad a me but I want him to be a little mad at himself. It’s
hard to see when you are driving down dead end roads that end with sex
until the next day wondering where is my long term.

Another friend, who learned the same lessons 10 years before, gave me
some great tips about dating the same time I was experiencing things out.
We realized, there’s this single stupid thing guys, who are single for a long
time or recently divorced, do with friend zoned girls. Read to the end to learn
more.

For me and my experiences after my wife’s death, I knew the bitter hole
“Friends with Benefits” could be. The love that comes after the sex is the
most important to my soul and being able to just die in each others arms
after that immense pleasure was gone. I was lucky to know this because
anyone who has been married less than 10 years doesn’t have a clue as
to how much better the sex can be and how intense the relationship can
become.

My friend has been looking for his one for a long time and I want him to
find her. So if I have to punch him in the gut with his own words I will. It's not
that I believe I am 100% right. It is just what happens after you have been with
so many dates and sexual partners and your realize what feels good and what
doesn't.

The truth is women are conditioned to put guys into categories of their own
making. The approach, behavior, and personality you bring to the table for
one woman, will be spoken about, observed, and reacted upon by many
others.

Guys do this to women all the time. An example was a gorgeous redhead
I once knew was the butt of a lot of good looking guys jokes because she
had a totally obvious modus operandi when she was hanging out with them
in a bar. If she got a certain text, she would just get up and go regardless of
plans. She would talk talk talk about long term relationships but she was
hooked to some guy’s booty call. After a while, the good hard working guys
who hung around with her didn’t ask her out or want to do things and one or
two were just downright floored or were ghosted for asking her about it.
Regardless of what she had to do, she put all her eggs that the one guy
she was so certain would change and suddenly become the image she
held of him.

To wrap this up, I promised to tell you what stupid thing recently single or
divorced guys do and I will as soon as you send me an email
to writchotte@gmail.com and I will send it to you with a few others.    

Ideas by William J Ritchotte II - Management Consulting in IT, Social Media, and Loss Prevention contact me on Twitter @BillRitchotte or writchotte@gmail.com